Three feet tall

Aint it true what they say, every dog has his day? I never had min, I gues it was just my time. Send me on down the line, one piece at a time. She got her way. I bet it made her day. Through me off to the side. took me out for a ride. kicked me down to the curb. Now for all that its worth, I'm looking to find one that's broken like mine. Broken like mine, for some piece of mind. Ill be happy when I find a love less unkind. Broken like mine. I wish I was in her show, with nothing left to lose. Carry myself down to the lonely side of town. Tell her how I feel I need something now that's real.  Dont tell me love is blind, a heart doesnt have that kind of time. Unless is broken like mine. 

Love maybe.

I was in love once, the kinda love that you think about that person so much that you think your either going to go crazy or just flat out die. I was working a full time job, and even though I'd get text messages from her all day long, as soon as I would get off work I'd immediately call her. And we'd eventually meet up with each other either at my apartment or her house and we would go get coffee or something to eat and talk about each others day or have conversation about what it would be like when we finally got married. All day long and through the night we would constantly talk, text, email, myspace, or just simply be together. Since we talked all the time, we new exactly what to say and what not to say in certain moments and how to get underneath each others skin just to piss one another off. I was always told that the most important thing in a relationship was communication. Which I agree with one hundred percent. After about a year and half of our relationship things were'nt as good as that first few months. I sometimes dreaded to get off work so I would work longer shifts, and I'd even lie and say my phone did'nt get her text just so I didnt have respond. (I'm a horrible person I know) things just were'nt as happy and charming as they first were. We started fighting all the time and I was to passive aggressive to ever stand up for myself, so I would just go along with whatever was thrown at me, but then later I'd discuss it Jac, who soon became a room mate of mine, over coffee, beer, cigarettes or even late night fast food. I'd tell him how I just absolutley hated her sometimes and I had no clue how to get out of this relationship or what to even say to her about how I felt. After I had moved in with Jac about three months went by with the constant same prayer to God asking how should I get out of this relationship. I had a conversation with a friend of my mine named Jeremy, I still remember him telling me that I should have never dated her and that I dont deserve to ever be treated like that, and how one day he knows for sure that I'm going to meet a girl that just absolutley love me and think I hung the moon, and how God would never put someone in your life that would treat you like that in a romantic relationship and that I should just tell her that I need to break up with her. He made it sound a hell of a lot easier that I had imagined it would be. I went and picked her up on evening  and we went to get cheese sticks at a drive in which was one of our favorite things to do. After awhile of burning my lips and drinking about 5 sodas from being so nervous and the lava like cheese sticks. I finally just broke down and started crying, I guess the more dramatic it seems is always better right? We talked, and then did that a little more only to move on to talking even more, she told me that she didnt understand and none of this makes sense, but I think that whenever you do have a break up, it usually does'nt make sense. I had taken her back home and I drove home to Jac's house and we sat on the front porch and drank some whiskey, smoked out pipes and discussed love. Love being the simple thing that most humans now as meeting someone of the the opposite sex, having some like interest and getting married, having sex and paying off a mortgage only to watch there children do the exact same. After we thought about it I seem to be pretty boring, I mean minus the sex part. But neither one of us could really describe what love was other than a profound feeling towards another person. Thats it, thats all she wrote. We had no clue,  we loved each other as friends but to describe what it was to love someone that you had a sexual attraction to was mind boggling to us. I guess needless to say was were human. Who really can tell you what the honest definition of love is other than God himself. Who else can tell you what losing a "loved one" is really like. God. He, himself, loves us, but even then I get so caught up in my daily life that I forget that and lose touch with him. but in the wee hours of the night I can feel his hand on my forehead just wanting to say goodnight to me. Love is something worth dying for. The bible tells us that there is no greater love than laying down your life for someone else's. That in the end is just simple and honest. 

On the road

I Shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me because the only people for me are the mad ones, who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a common place thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue center light pop and everybody goes "aawww". 

 

A book was given to me when I was moving from Texas to Seattle WA. Called "on the road" by Jack Kerouac. A friend gave it to me the night before I left for the north, I never picked the damn book up to read it, till I ran out of books TO read. It wasnt because I did'nt like the book or was ungrateful for getting it as a gift, I just never did untill I started working. I would take books with me to work all the time because I had a useless job (more or less boring). So I started reading it one day, and for some reason that short paragraph stuck out to me more than anything in that book. Maybe it was just a wonderful description of how the author might have felt or maybe I like to think way to much about little things like this, but in the past recent years, the friends that I have made and the people I have had relationships with (whether it was a girlfriend or just a simple friendship) have been those kind of people. Ranging from crazy atheist who were my best friends all the way to extreme conservative christians who would rather rip out there hearts than to be caught dead sayimg a foul word. Which in reality they did do quite a bit cursing around me (I like to think I bring the best out of people sometimes)  They have been just flat out and simply mad. Mad to live, mad to love one another, passionatetly love others, mad to give themselves to God and his master plan, and just plain mad to be alive. All though I did notice one common thing in all of there lives, that I am aware of myself as well. They were all hurting, from lust to pain, greed, trusting others, lying, stealing, drugs, alcohol, sex, and depression. And just like the rest of us "saints" we have struggled with one if not all of these problems at one point even at the same time. Needless to say I am thankful for each and everyone of those screwed up people that waltzed into and out of my life and even decided to stay and make a nest in my life. I love them, I call them my friends, they are who makes me who I am, and they accept that I am broken, and hurting, and worn out from hard times in life, they pick me up when I need a hand. They even jump over private school baseball fences with me when I just need to play catch. And untill the day my lungs give out, I will love them and there families. 

simply thank you

By the time you read this I'll hopefully be gone. Whether I'm dead or just in another part of the world. I pray and hope that every person that I have ever met I made a lasting impact on your life. I hope even through some of my obscene comments and language that my heart burned brighter than my human actions. Everyone of my friends and the reason them being my friends was because you made a permanent impression on my life. I want to say Thank you. I love you. And whether you knew it or not you were always apart of my family. 

Pony tail Parades

Three sleepless nights, this isnt how it's suppose to be. But your so good at taking your time to get back to me. I will wait for you forever if you would just ask me. I thought that I could change you but you changed me. But it does'nt feel right, hold someone else's hand. Together on phone lines and living at two opposite ends. It scare's me to think, that you could, find taker's other than me. Better than me. But your head is else where, and I'm talking enough for both of us. When will you see its not so easy for me. You're careless and whispered, insulting, and bruising. And I thought you said, things were improving. These laces are united, but my feet are still walking away. I never thought that you could say these words. Don't say we can still be friends. Erase my name from this page. How can I take all these days and throw them away . What is inside of me? What have I done? Is this the only way that you will notice me? As I sit here waiting for you. I stay up nights till stars leave the sky knowing what my dream's can take away. Why cant you look at me can you only see? This night is done. 

The vulgarity of the lies drip with the condescending tones as the smoke pours out his mouth. I wonder if thats what I was really like. Blood splattered thoughts of death and foulness ridged doubled sided tounge cutting deeper than any sword or knife in the history of the world. Even the thoughts of burning bridges watching everyone on the other side walk away without a thought of putting it out. More or less them ever really caring about it other than it lighting there path to "salvation".