Love maybe.

I was in love once, the kinda love that you think about that person so much that you think your either going to go crazy or just flat out die. I was working a full time job, and even though I'd get text messages from her all day long, as soon as I would get off work I'd immediately call her. And we'd eventually meet up with each other either at my apartment or her house and we would go get coffee or something to eat and talk about each others day or have conversation about what it would be like when we finally got married. All day long and through the night we would constantly talk, text, email, myspace, or just simply be together. Since we talked all the time, we new exactly what to say and what not to say in certain moments and how to get underneath each others skin just to piss one another off. I was always told that the most important thing in a relationship was communication. Which I agree with one hundred percent. After about a year and half of our relationship things were'nt as good as that first few months. I sometimes dreaded to get off work so I would work longer shifts, and I'd even lie and say my phone did'nt get her text just so I didnt have respond. (I'm a horrible person I know) things just were'nt as happy and charming as they first were. We started fighting all the time and I was to passive aggressive to ever stand up for myself, so I would just go along with whatever was thrown at me, but then later I'd discuss it Jac, who soon became a room mate of mine, over coffee, beer, cigarettes or even late night fast food. I'd tell him how I just absolutley hated her sometimes and I had no clue how to get out of this relationship or what to even say to her about how I felt. After I had moved in with Jac about three months went by with the constant same prayer to God asking how should I get out of this relationship. I had a conversation with a friend of my mine named Jeremy, I still remember him telling me that I should have never dated her and that I dont deserve to ever be treated like that, and how one day he knows for sure that I'm going to meet a girl that just absolutley love me and think I hung the moon, and how God would never put someone in your life that would treat you like that in a romantic relationship and that I should just tell her that I need to break up with her. He made it sound a hell of a lot easier that I had imagined it would be. I went and picked her up on evening  and we went to get cheese sticks at a drive in which was one of our favorite things to do. After awhile of burning my lips and drinking about 5 sodas from being so nervous and the lava like cheese sticks. I finally just broke down and started crying, I guess the more dramatic it seems is always better right? We talked, and then did that a little more only to move on to talking even more, she told me that she didnt understand and none of this makes sense, but I think that whenever you do have a break up, it usually does'nt make sense. I had taken her back home and I drove home to Jac's house and we sat on the front porch and drank some whiskey, smoked out pipes and discussed love. Love being the simple thing that most humans now as meeting someone of the the opposite sex, having some like interest and getting married, having sex and paying off a mortgage only to watch there children do the exact same. After we thought about it I seem to be pretty boring, I mean minus the sex part. But neither one of us could really describe what love was other than a profound feeling towards another person. Thats it, thats all she wrote. We had no clue,  we loved each other as friends but to describe what it was to love someone that you had a sexual attraction to was mind boggling to us. I guess needless to say was were human. Who really can tell you what the honest definition of love is other than God himself. Who else can tell you what losing a "loved one" is really like. God. He, himself, loves us, but even then I get so caught up in my daily life that I forget that and lose touch with him. but in the wee hours of the night I can feel his hand on my forehead just wanting to say goodnight to me. Love is something worth dying for. The bible tells us that there is no greater love than laying down your life for someone else's. That in the end is just simple and honest.